This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
