we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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