i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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