Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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