i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
