not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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