you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
