is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
