I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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