She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
