On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
