can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
