Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
