You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
