What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
