You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
