puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
