do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
