The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
