Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Be still, my beating vagina.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
