Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
