Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
