He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
