bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
