I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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