i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
