So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
