VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
