Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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