he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
