I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
