you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
