We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
