dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
