my phone needs a breathalizer
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
