You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
