Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
