I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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