This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
