He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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