we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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