We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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