Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
