some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
