An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
