i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
