Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
