haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
