2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
