dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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