Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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