I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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