I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
