Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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